Internet down? 49 things you should do

 

The internet is down? Eh, sometimes it happens. It may feel like the end of the world, but fret not. Any outages usually get fixed superquick and you’ll be back to gaming, bingeing and selfie-posting in no time. But just in case, print out this list and post it somewhere safe. That way, when the internet is down, you won’t be too helpless…

Without further ado, 49 things you should do when the internet is down:

  1. Grab your phone and check with your broadband provider for any outages. (If it’s just your provider having problems, it might be time to switch…)
  2. Check your router. Did you turn it off and on again?
  3. After you check your outages and can confirm the internet is down or shut off, use your phone to complain on Facebook that your internet is crap.
  4. Have Jimi Jackson fix your internet. Somehow he knew how to do it.
  5. Go to your friends’ house that does have internet. Just say you’re coming for a visit --  you’re definitely not using them to binge-watch something.
  6. Go to the library. Remember those? They have cool things like books and magazines. You might want to read some. Also: it’s free.
  7. Two words: Blanket fort.
  8. DVDs. Shit yeah. Watch one.
  9. Try to out-offend your friends in an epic round of Cards Against Humanity.
  10. Teach your friends or family how to play poker. Teach them the art of the poker face and practice your own.
  11. Organize your closet.
  12. Make a list of all the YouTube videos you need to watch when you’re back online. PPAP? Why the feck not?
  13. Go down to the pub or cafe and talk to someone new.
  14. Parks. Visit one. Give your eyes a break from the screen and take in the green goodness.
  15. Hit the gym. Don’t let the internet make you lazy.
  16. Write some fan fiction for your favorite show. Edit it as much as you like before you post it online.
  17. Learn to cook. Start with toast. Work your way up to spag bol.
  18. Pick up a bunch of brochures from the travel agency. Dream of where you want to go next.
  19. Road trip! Get out of town. See where the road takes you.
  20. See that pile of laundry getting bigger and smellier? Time to go attack that.
  21. Go give your room a clean while you’re at it.
  22. Relive your childhood and drag out some old school board games.
  23. Explore the walking tracks around your suburb and discover something you’ve always overlooked.
  24. Volunteer. Give your internet-free time a purpose.
  25. Find a safe lookout spot near an airport and watch the planes takeoff and land.
  26. Call your mum. She’ll be so happy you called.
  27. Call your gran as well. She’ll be even happier.
  28. Help your old man with the yard work.
  29. Write a letter. An actual letter. Go to the post office and get a stamp. #throwback
  30. Watch the news. Remember the 6pm news? It’s still a thing!
  31. Get stuck into a TV3 reality show. You’ll be able to engage in office banter the next day.
  32. Or listen to the radio. So retro right now.
  33. Meditate. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a minute. It’s good for your brain and your body.
  34. Build something, anything. By hand or by code. (You don’t need internet to code something locally). You’ll be proud of your handiwork.
  35. Start a garden. Grow your own herbs, fruit and vege. Save some money on food.
  36. Make your house a craft beer or wine bar: Buy four or five different ones and host a tasting party at home.
  37. Have a record party. Dig out whatever CDs you might still have and rock out or groan to the hits of yesterday.
  38. Make up dances and practice your slick moves. Bust them out at the next party.
  39. Barbeque.
  40. Twiddle your thumbs.
  41. Be bored. It’s OK to be bored. Your imagination will eventually give you an idea to entertain yourself.
  42. Pick up an instrument. Even the triangle or some pots and pans will do. Play to your frustrated internet-less heart’s content.
  43. Take your partner out on a date. Spend time talking instead of posing for Insta-worthy moments. No partner? Take your mum out. (You did call her to say hello, correct?)
  44. Read a newspaper. The New Zealand Herald, the Sunday Star-Times, the Otago Daily Times, they’ll all appreciate your readership. Bonus: Your knowledge could help you at pub quiz night. Speaking of…
  45. Find a pub quiz night. Test your knowledge of what’s going on in the world.
  46. Be a lifesaver: Go learn CPR or donate blood or train to be an EMT or lifeguard.
  47. Do a coin search in your own house. Look between the couch cushions, under the bed, in your jackets… you might come up with enough to buy a six-pack.
  48. Scream for joy when the internet magically comes back.
  49. Throw this list out because you solemnly believe the internet will never be out ever again.

 

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